The number 1 thing women are doing that is crushing their men

The number 1 thing women are doing that is crushing their men

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This blog will change your relationship with all men forever. It is not for women who want to blame men for all their problems. If that’s you stop reading. 
This is for women who desperately desire a happy, loving and connected relationship. If that’s you keep reading.

Every single woman I interact with is destroying their men with their words and they don’t even know it! 

Before we start I want you to understand that this blog is written in service of women and men. It will trigger many of you and I want you to sit with the trigger. All I ask is rather than blame me for the trigger – ask yourself a better question:

  • Why is this triggering me?
  • What is it about me that is hurt by this? 
  • What do I need to learn? 

Here is why. 

If you blame me you will never learn anything. You will continue to be unhappy in your relationships and be clueless as to why. 

Because I am guessing you are reading this because deep in your heart you are unhappy with your man and the way he is with you. He feels like a bit of wet lettuce or you are frustrated with the constant disconnect or distance. Him pulling away and possibly the pleaser and yes man he has become. The lack of decision making? 

Do you ask yourself constantly – why can’t he make a bloody decision? Come on man up! Grow a set! 

You may not be saying it directly to him but are your feeling it? 

I can guarantee if you are feeling this no words are needed – he is feeling that from you and he has no clue how to fix it. He is going as you are deeper and deeper into the black hole of loss! 

So do you keep doing what you are doing to ‘fix ‘ him? 

Are you getting the strong, attentive and connected man you desire by doing this? 

100% NO! 

So why do we keep banging our heads against a brick wall? 

Stop it! It hurts! 

It hurts you, and him and your children in the long run cause they learn that this is normal behaviour in a relationship and it is not.  

Ok, so what is the thing that YOU are doing probably every conversation with your man that is crushing him and making him feel so small because believe it or not our words have the strongest power over men and we manipulate men with them. 

We use them as a weapon and we don’t even realise it. 

Our words on a man cut deep in their hearts. It’s the equivalent of being completely ignored and neglected by our men. It for them literally feels like abuse to them and we don’t even know it. 

Imagine a man beating a woman and him being completely oblivious to it and denying all knowledge of it. 

That would be horrific right? 

Well because men’s and women’s brains are designed differently and nobody tells us this. We don’t study it at school we learn behaviours from women who are in protection mode. You may have been raised by a single mother or come from a dysfunctional family or a woman who was suppressed or a father who was dictated to by a strong woman. 

We pick up all our social norms in our primary years and build on them. 

Here is why a woman in ‘protection’ mode especially unconsciously (most of us are living our lives in this mode and not even aware) does this more than ever because deep in our psyche we know men are physically stronger than us and our power is in our words. So we use them like a knife.  

How many times have you criticised your man and noticed his shoulders drop? He appears like a little boy. Defeated and hopeless. It’s the biggest turn-off! Yet he can’t win. If he does it his way it’s wrong and if he doesn’t do it it’s wrong. He will be criticised either way! 

When all he is trying to do is make you happy! 

See when I found this out it blew my mind. 

Healthy men’s main goal in their relationships is not sex (yes they like and want that) but how often does he say to you ‘I just want to make you happy!’

Take a moment and think back- how often? 

A lot right.

He wants you to be happy. That is his measure of success. If he is being criticised by you that tells him he is failing and not enough! Major major problem. You will never ever, ever magnetise the man you once had by criticising him. It will move him further away from you and you will promote the pleaser in him! Guaranteed. 

Take it from a woman who tried it for two decades. 

Here is why we do it cause we want to ‘help’ them be better. 

The problem is they didn’t ask for help, we presume they are broken and that they are incapable of doing it ‘right.’ 

Just read that back. Can you imagine living with someone who assumed you needed help and that something was wrong with you and you can’t get anything right? 

And so they constantly ‘corrected’ you!

How would you feel? 

Eventually, you would feel defeated and powerless. 

You would become co-dependent and exhausted with trying to make the right decision and always being wrong. 

Ladies, I love you and I want the best for you and your men and so I say this with love stop criticising your men. It is not helping them. 

It is actually hurting them. 

Honour them with praise for the effort they are putting in to making YOU happy. 

Forgive yourself for not knowing and take action now today praise instead of criticising and watch how your man is magnetised to you cause he feels he is winning. 

This is just the surface of the many things I help you to achieve success and happiness in your relationships. If you want to go deeper with me then Magnetise your Man masterclass is the perfect way to give you even more!

Discover how to...

Magnetise Your Man!

CALL IN YOUR DREAM MAN

THIS MASTERCLASS IS FOR ANY WOMAN WHO IS…

  • Dating and sick of attracting unaligned men
  • Wants the man she married back
  • Single or divorced women who are scared to date again because of being hurt in the past

What Is Included:

  • 2-hour Magnetise your Man Masterclass (worth £3,000)
  • Q and A (worth £1500)
  • Are you more Masculine or  Feminine Quiz?
  • Workbook (worth £99)

Cost

£222

(usually £333)

I used to think it was impossible to get him to look at me the way he did when we were dating

I used to think it was impossible to get him to look at me the way he did when we were dating

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I believed that this is what marriage is like after decades. I would tell myself, ‘you made your bed now lie in it or get out! But stop moaning and threatening because it is getting boring. And you don’t mean it anyhow.’
 Well, here is what I want you to know…

Everything changed for me when I decided that I could magnetise my man

  • I was worth my happiness and love, and I want more. 
  • I deserve more. 
  • I desire more. 
  • I am amazing. 

I just got to figure out a way to be that girl again but a 2.2 version of her. 

I’ve got to decide that it can happen again for me if he has done it once. 

So what happened next was wild! And has been the journey of the past five years. 

I thought it would be ok if I could just get him to see where ‘he was going wrong’ and ‘fix him’. 

We would be ok! 

Boy, was I wrong? 

I took/dragged him to a guru (Tony Robbins) to fix him! 

Boy, was I in for a ‘treat.’

See, I thought the moment Tony asked me to stand up; he would defend me and tell my hubby why he was wrong and what he could do to improve the marriage. Because, you see, I was the ‘A’ player-coach. I knew it all, and I was perfect! 

🤦🏽‍♀️

I couldn’t have been further from the truth. 

In that two-hour intervention with Tony, when Tony tore me down, I realised that I was equally responsible for our breakdown in the marriage.

I had caused many problems in trying to help and fix them. 

Because I had realised that I had put my map of the world on him and expected him to respond like a woman. The truth is he is not a woman. 

He is a man. A man that I fell in love with for all his beautiful qualities! Kindness, generosity and family values. 

So why had I spent two decades trying to change him??? 

Because guess what had happened? 

  • He changed – the only thing is the more he changed, the more he repulsed me! 
  • The more unhappy and less connection I felt in our marriage. 
  • The more he stayed at work. 
  • The more he became disconnected. 
  • The more lonely I felt. 

Help!!!! 

Someone help me help him! 

That was the problem right there!

I had thought he was the problem, and the truth was I was the problem in thinking he needed to be improved, and I was the one that was going to be fully responsible for him becoming the man he, (nope), I, wanted him to be. 

This illusion that the movies give you of the “perfect couple.”

Romance in Paris with the Eiffel tower in the background, flying in private jets, and having a six-pack! 

This is not real, nor is it what most of us want. 

We attract our partners because we hold the same values and remain with them, unless we misalign as we grow, and then we leave. 

The problem that I had realised was that in changing him, I was moving him away from his values which were also mine! 

Double self destruct!

So only I could fix this problem. 

  • Through learning. 
  • Through acceptance and forgiveness. 

All of it. 

This is why I developed my heart model 

  • H – Honesty 

  • E – Education 

  • A – Articulate 

  • R – Resolve 

  • T – Test new waters. 

This blog describes how I came to the truth first. It starts with her ladies. 

If we continue to blame our men for our failing marriages and do not accept responsibility for our part, then we are basically to blame for the death of the marriage. 

I know a lot of you are screaming “what about him!?”!

You can keep going down that path if that is you, and nothing will change. Or you can decide that you hold your power. So stop giving it to him and start taking control of you and your emotional needs instead of expecting him to change to fix them. 

Because I guarantee the moment he changes, it will never be enough. There will be something else and something else, and you will never be satisfied. 

Find satisfaction in yourself first! 

And watch how he responds to a beautiful, happy, powerful, and satisfied woman just because of who she is, not what her man does for her! 

It’s a whole new and different vibe!

Discover how to...

Magnetise Your Man!

CALL IN YOUR DREAM MAN

THIS MASTERCLASS IS FOR ANY WOMAN WHO IS…

  • Dating and sick of attracting unaligned men
  • Wants the man she married back
  • Single or divorced women who are scared to date again because of being hurt in the past

What Is Included:

  • 2-hour Magnetise your Man Masterclass (worth £3,000)
  • Q and A (worth £1500)
  • Are you more Masculine or  Feminine Quiz?
  • Workbook (worth £99)

Cost

£222

(usually £333)

nagging

Two decades of nagging, he still didn’t give me what I wanted.

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Two decades of trying to get him to see me and listen to me. I mean, listen. You know how you feel it and feel so connected, and he still didn’t.

I had tried everything. 

  • Speaking directly 
  • Asking for what I want 
  • Screaming 
  • Shouting 
  • Throwing plates 
  • Silent treatment 
  • Withholding affection and sex. 

The lot! 

And he still chose work over the family and me. It was like nothing else mattered. 

My whole world could be crumbling, and he wouldn’t even notice! 

That was my life. 

I felt like I had two choices and no voice And neither felt great. 

Leave him or stay. 

Here is what I have learnt since then. 

I have mastered the art of feeling fully heard and seen in a way that lands for me, and I don’t have to ask him! 

Can you imagine?

It took years and years of learning, understanding and rewiring. 

But yes, ladies, it is possible to magnetise your man after 20 years of marriage. My only regret is I didn’t learn it sooner. 

Love is so complicated, and men are so difficult to understand. 

We get frustrated at why they would do the crazy things like tease and pick fun at the most inappropriate times. 

Or they completely ignore you and then ask you again. 

This is not a man-bashing blog, but more of a get where you are, and there are more than two options for you.

The problem is not many ladies like to hear, nor do they want to do the third option. 

I was one of those women until I had exhausted all the other options. 

And I didn’t want to repeat history with someone else. 

That was a big breakthrough when I realised that if I were to leave my hubby, what are the chances I wouldn’t end up in precisely the same position with another man? 

And worse still, wishing I was still with my hubby. 

See, lack of love is never the issue! 

The issue is a lack of knowledge and courage

One of the things that was the game-changer for me was three things. 

  1. I can’t change him. 
  2. He is responding to me. 
  3. If I change, I have a chance that I will be happy. 

There is a caveat with 3 – I first started changing cause I thought if I changed, that would make him change, and I would be happy. 

Nope, it doesn’t work like that because if you are in a relationship to get something, you are setting yourself up to fail! And I mean big time fail. And here is why. 

Your happiness relies on someone else! 

You can’t control someone else.  If you need someone else to make you happy, you will always feel a lack of happiness – The key to your happiness comes from you. 

The change must be for you to be happier, not for him to change. 

That is conditional love! 

So the question then is, how do you have happiness and connection in your marriage? 

Here is the gold!

  1. Change for you 
  2. Love unconditionally 
  3. Be the change you desire 

Finally, give because you want to give, not because you to want to get in return.

Discover how to...

Magnetise Your Man!

CALL IN YOUR DREAM MAN

THIS MASTERCLASS IS FOR ANY WOMAN WHO IS…

  • Dating and sick of attracting unaligned men
  • Wants the man she married back
  • Single or divorced women who are scared to date again because of being hurt in the past

What Is Included:

  • 2-hour Magnetise your Man Masterclass (worth £3,000)
  • Q and A (worth £1500)
  • Are you more Masculine or  Feminine Quiz?
  • Workbook (worth £99)
  • Facebook Community (Priceless)

Cost

£222

(usually £333)

kindness

Do not mix up pleasing with kindness

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A recent article by Gary Vee on LinkedIn talked about being kind and competitive and it got me thinking. 

There were many responses saying it was wrong and you have to be ‘unkind’ to win and that there was nothing wrong with that. 

Well here is what I believe the problem is with this. 

 

It’s not the words but how we in today’s society are defining the word ‘kind’ and the meaning we are putting on the outcome. What I have found working with many men and women over the years and now high net worth individuals is that kindness is often mixed up with ‘pleasing’ resulting in a very different outcome and feeling. 

Let’s unpack this for a moment because I believe you can have a win-win in any competition with kindness not pleasing. 

In modern-day society, half of us are raised by single parents and the majority of these parents are female. Resulting in a growing number of men lacking full time great masculine role models. What happens here is men are starting to develop the ‘pleaser syndrome’ and mistaking it for ‘kindness.’  

Let me explain why the two are very different. 

Pleasing is when you go against your gut instinct to avoid conflict and to be liked and in service of you, not the receiver. 

Pleasing’s outcome is to be liked and avoid conflict with the result being inauthenticity for all and a lack of trust for the receiver of the communication. Pleasing is driven by like.

Kindness (true kindness) results in honour and truth and the receiver respecting the communicator even if they are uncomfortable and challenged at times. It is in service of both the receiver and communicator. Kindness is driven by love.

One requires bravery, courage, and knowing who you are, and speaking it for the greater good of oneself, the receiver and all. The other is when one lacks inner security and confidence and requires others to value and validate them and therefore seeks to avoid conflict and being disliked. 

You can love someone and show kindness by being ‘cruel/tough’ for the benefit of all. Pleasing is just pushing the can down the road for another day and results in the problem being compounded! 

I believe GARY VEE was correct and you can create a win with kindness in a competitive workplace, however, this takes a certain level of self-awareness, confidence and courage when executed for the greater good of all!

You can be loved and not liked but can you sit comfortably with that feeling? 

Great men and women will become, they know their truth – honour, love and respect.

Sad depressed woman being verbally attacked.Mentally abused.Absent in conversation.Not listening.Private problems.Introvert submissive female loosing interest.Relationship issues,emotional break up

No.1 problem in modern-day relationships

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The number 1 problem in modern-day relationships is lack of communication.

‘He is not listening.’

‘She completely disconnects.’

‘All I want is to feel heard and seen by him.’ 

‘All I want is peace and for her to be happy.’

Sound familiar?

I am going to help you not only understand why this is familiar and that you are not alone in feeling all of the above in your marriage/relationship. I will also reveal both the male and female perspectives to help you understand both sides of the story, because this is the first key to unlocking the communication problem. 

This is designed for couples in long term relationships or marriages with children. All I ask is that you don’t skip the bits that are about your partners because these are the bits that will really start to shift the lack of communication in your relationship/marriage.

I have worked with hundreds of couples and they all say one thing when I ask them what the biggest roadblock is in their relationship/marriage.

Communication or lack off.

The ladies always say they feel resentment and frustration because they constantly give to everyone with very little in return. Believe me, I know this feeling, having spent years feeling as though it was all on me. To raise the children, to earn money, to run the house, while my hubby was out all day doing god knows what!

I felt like why is he spending hours on shit that doesn’t bring home the bacon when he could be at home helping me with the million things I am juggling!

Does he not care? Am I not worth his time? Even worse I have provided these children and he gets to be free and I am tied to them and everything else! Honestly, it is not that I don’t love the children, I just want him to at least acknowledge my efforts and spend some quality time with me.

Sound familiar ladies?

(Gentlemen this is what is going on in her head in response to your behaviour. Not blaming you just illustrating the facts for her. Her truth, not yours.)

And now for the gentlemen’s point of view.

I know I am not a man but I have studied for years now men and their behaviours.

I know now that at the same time that I was going through all the above my husband was in the exploration phase of his development. This phase is also referred to by Alison Armstrong as the Knight phase, for more info on the life cycle of a man check out my book

It is during this phase (that I was completely oblivious to when he was going through it) that he was feeling a huge drive to find his niche, his thing that he could be successful in, not for himself but to provide for the family.  I remember recently having a conversation with my man and him describing this phase as a huge desire not only to figure out his purpose but because there were more mouths to feed, i.e. the new children, resulting in an even more unexplainable drive to work even harder!. He was often left feeling unappreciated and disrespected when he came home after a hard day’s work. Resulting in him finding it more rewarding to be at work.

See communication in a relationship is not just about the words we use but understanding all the problems described below:

To summarise the problem:

  1. Both of you are striving for the same end goal, freedom, connection and respect but are on parallel railway tracks. Co-existing in frustration and despair, wishing and hoping for a magic way to fix this to receive more compassion and mutual respect.
  2. Neither of you is aware of each other’s focus and drivers.
  3. Both of you lack the fundamental tools of speaking the language of men and women and so you both continue to talk to each other in your own languages and expect the other to not only understand but be able to communicate back to you in it. 

So what’s the solution?

  1. Whatever you seek and desire in them you have to give first. So if you want to be heard, you have to listen first.
  2. Having the belief that you are both on the same team moving to the same goal just in complementary ways.
  3. GO learn about how to speak your partner’s language. Honestly, it is life-changing! When they feel heard and respected by you they can’t help but reciprocate. (This is a huge part of my Ladies Go First programme for Ladies.)

Know you are not alone and this can easily be solved, it just requires a little awareness and effort on your part to change you in order to get a different response from your beloved. I promise you all your efforts will be worth it!

Much love and respect 

  1. If you found this blog useful please share, like and recommend it to a friend who needs to hear this.

OR if you like this content and want more of the free stuff follow me on IG or Facebook for more of the good stuff.

Discover more about this and much more in my book...

The Roadmap To Purpose

This book is for all the men in the world who are successful in life and yet still feel lost. You have it all on paper yet you long for freedom and peace. You are at the point in your life where there must be more to life.

You have struggled all your life with relationships and still haven’t nailed it. All you really long for is the companionship of a woman who is passionate, caring and respects and honours you. All you want is to provide for her, protect her and cherish her.

If this is you, then this book is for you. Not only will you learn about yourself but you’ll learn all the trade secrets of how to understand women and win them over without losing your manhood. Its time, gentlemen, to reclaim your balls.

4G4A0184

Power or Pain? What’s Your Flavour?

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We hear of people, including myself, addicted to pain to grow. Right? 

No pain, no gain. 

Test after test after test. 

It’s exhausting, especially in relationships. When you are in your third decade of a relationship like I am, you start to wonder is it worth the pain? My hubby and I were talking about this last night. Our marriage has been one of the most volatile, challenging and expansive experiences of our lives. 

What I am about to share hasn’t been shared before, is profoundly personal and makes me feel very vulnerable. I share it not to talk about me and my relationships but to help you understand that whatever I talk about, I have learnt, not just with textbooks but through living the pain and the power. It is only through learning from my ‘mistakes’ that I can help others. See, there are two types of mentors and coaches – those who have read about it and those who have lived it. I mean, I know I would want business advice from a coach who is a few steps ahead of me and has the successful business that I strive for, not the one who knows all the strategies but never had a successful business. 

So why is it so important to have been through it? When you support someone through it, you know and feel their pain, passion and power. That collective energy that you feel from that mentor is the magic that takes you to the next level. Think about it: how many strategies, books, and courses have you bought and never implemented? Right? You can have them all day long, but the truth is it’s the magnetism of someone who has been there, got the t-shirt and can guide you through. They know all the pitfalls when you feel like giving up and what will get you through it; step 22 of the book won’t give you that, which is what gets you through it. 

So here we go, the conversation that happened between my hubby and I just last week. 

I had a dark day. I call them my shadow days when I just couldn’t shift my mood. (Yes, it happens to the best of us). How I manage them has evolved over the years, and they don’t last months now, rarely a day. So in the evening, we sat having a deep and meaningful conversation (we both sigh when this happens – you know the type of conversation!)

When he said, ’How exhausting this process is, he asked himself several times whether it is worth it. All the energy and effort and I didn’t notice.’ 

Well, you could have hit me with a sledgehammer was my first reaction, and then it happened! I agreed with him. See, this is what happens when you are brave enough to speak your truth, standing in power and not focusing on pain. 

Now, I am sure many of you are thinking, if the expert can’t get it right, then there is no hope for us, right? Well, here is the thing I believe I am sent these tests to go through, so I grow through them to teach them. However, it was this conversation that made me realise,

‘What if I was attracting the pain all the time?’ 

What if I was so focused on the next challenge for me to grow that I had become addicted to pain? That I was calling it in. Was I looking for it and expecting it? What if I had all these years decided that pain was the number one ingredient for me to be successful? 

Can you relate to that? How often have we been told ‘no pain, no gain?’ or ‘you have to work hard to succeed in life?’.

What if we are addicted to using pain as our fuel for growth and success?

I certainly was growing up in a refugee minority group; I was raised to think all the odds were stacked against me. But, as a Woman, Indian, refugee family and the truth is yes; you have to take action. And yes, you do have to have focus and drive, but who said it had to be painful and challenging.

See, the problem is that we often get addicted to waiting for the next fight in our relationships. We are waiting for them to fail or mess up. We get used to the presence of pain, so the thought of its absence can be scarier than the actual pain. What if we didn’t expect to react to her tone in the way we do? What if the meaning we put on that look (I know you know the one) did not have to mean pain? What if that look was an opportunity for you to stand in your power? To be her hero. What if all these years, the very signals we had associated with pain were the universe’s way of allowing you to rise in your masculine power? 

Let me demonstrate – last week when I gave him that look – he took that as here we go again and disappeared. She needs space. Now that look for me was a cry for help; I am fighting with my inner demons. Please rescue me. Don’t leave me. 

How often are we missing the opportunity to stand in our power? What if we took a moment to: 

  1. Stop focusing on pain and expecting it?
  2. Ask instead of assuming? 
  3. Choosing power over pain?

When we shift from growth to power, rather than pain, when we decide that this situation is a chance to be decisive rather than sit in pain, OMG, does life start to change? Here is why.

You start to focus on what is going right, not wrong. You begin to feel more freedom and peace than you could believe was possible. All because you shifted your focus from pain to power. Best of all, the universe starts to give you more power than pain, so you collapse time and speed up your success in nano time. All while you work ‘hard’ in power, not pain. 

What are you choosing today? Power or pain?

Discover more about this and much more in my book...

The Roadmap To Purpose

This book is for all the men in the world who are successful in life and yet still feel lost. You have it all on paper yet you long for freedom and peace. You are at the point in your life where there must be more to life.

You have struggled all your life with relationships and still haven’t nailed it. All you really long for is the companionship of a woman who is passionate, caring and respects and honours you. All you want is to provide for her, protect her and cherish her.

If this is you, then this book is for you. Not only will you learn about yourself but you’ll learn all the trade secrets of how to understand women and win them over without losing your manhood. Its time, gentlemen, to reclaim your balls.

Fear Of Abandonment

Why do good men leave happy relationships?

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This blog will unpack why men leave healthy relationships and continually self-sabotage. We will also cover how to experience a relationship without feeling trapped. This blog is for you if you are that person who gets cold feet when the relationship is going well, and you start to find fault in everything! 

I have recently coached some men who have had many broken relationships or marriages, and the one pattern I have noticed with all these men is that the lack of commitment is just the symptom. The problem is not a commitment but a fear of abandonment. 

That sounds counterintuitive, right! 

Hear me out. If you are a man who self sabotages every relationship- i.e. there is nothing wrong. It’s just going well, and then all of a sudden, you get cold feet and start thinking thoughts of 

  1. Is there something better? 
  2. Is this it? 
  3. I am not good enough for this lady. 

It’s usually a combination of any one of these things. 

So let’s unpack this. 

I have realised this phenomenon by working with hundreds of successful entrepreneurs, particularly men. They aren’t even aware that they have abandonment issues. 

Now let’s think about this: if 50% of marriages end in divorce, then it is highly likely that at least half of the population is being, and has been raised by one parent, usually the mother, and if present, the father, is part-time. Now, this is not bashing fathers. It occurs for several reasons, from the courts favouring mothers’ rights to fathers just leaving. There is no one to blame, just facts of the current situation. 

So if 50% of marriages end in divorce, it is likely 50% of children could have deep-rooted subconscious beliefs relating to abandonment. This leads to;

  1. Men that abandon their responsibilities, who can’t commit. 
  2. ‘You are not meant to be with one person forever!’ mindset.
  3. The fear of abandonment is so intense that they leave before being abandoned because everyone eventually goes. 

I see these patterns increasingly with my clients, and, sadly, these beautiful men are throwing away incredible relationships and opportunities for love and freedom. Yet, see the very thing they seek – freedom is the same thing they don’t believe is possible in a relationship. However, what is misunderstood is that the ‘trapped feeling’ is not a result of the women but ‘the perception that a man can’t have freedom in a relationship.’

Can you see how ‘f***ed up’ this is? 

It’s no wonder that good men are ending relationships for no reason, and even they can’t explain it, but the fear of abandonment has much greater leverage than the fear of the unknown. The unknown being

 ‘What if it is possible to have freedom in a healthy relationship?’

You can decode all the history in your family lineage.

See, the subconscious mind is responsible for 95% of our thoughts, beliefs and actions! So let me land this plane – that means that most of our beliefs, opinions and activities we do on autopilot. We are blind to it. 

Gentlemen, most of you are walking around unaware that this fear of abandonment is even a thing for you and it’s the very thing that is keeping you abandoned and lonely.

Discover more about this and much more in my book...

The Roadmap To Purpose

This book is for all the men in the world who are successful in life and yet still feel lost. You have it all on paper yet you long for freedom and peace. You are at the point in your life where there must be more to life.

You have struggled all your life with relationships and still haven’t nailed it. All you really long for is the companionship of a woman who is passionate, caring and respects and honours you. All you want is to provide for her, protect her and cherish her.

If this is you, then this book is for you. Not only will you learn about yourself but you’ll learn all the trade secrets of how to understand women and win them over without losing your manhood. Its time, gentlemen, to reclaim your balls.

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Women don’t say what they mean, they feel what they mean

Reading Time: 4 minutes
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This blog is for all the men who don’t understand why women don’t just speak directly and ask for what they want.

I aim to simplify the complexities of the female communication system to help you understand why we don’t say what we mean. While reading this, I want you to breathe and just calm the inner child screaming – this is not fair and makes no sense and allow the king within you to rise and hear this message.

Here we go – remember to breathe. 

 

‘I am so confused’ is something I hear men tell me all the time. 

‘Well, she said she wanted space. So I walked away and gave her space.’ 

‘Then she screamed at me for walking away! I can’t win!’.

Sound familiar?

 

Well, I am about to reveal why and what you should do. 

 

Women don’t say what we mean but feel what we mean. 

 

I know this makes no logical sense, and you are right. It doesn’t. If a man said, ‘I need space.’ That is exactly what he needs, right? Logical. 

The first thing you need to understand is that men and women have different currencies regarding love and how they communicate their needs. 

They have a completely different operating system. Men base their communication and decisions on facts and constantly look for the facts when they are listening to establish the problem and solve the facts. Job done. The whole point of communication is to solve the problem. Right? 

 

That is entirely correct for men, but it is not for women. When you can stop expecting your woman to communicate like a man – through facts, that is when you start to understand her needs, then establish the facts and solve her problem, not the one you think it is. It’s like going on her journey and you taking the road you decide based on what you perceive to be the place she wants to go and then wondering why she is pissed when you get there, and it is not the place she wants or the route she would have taken. You then wind up very confused because she said that is where she wanted to go! Fact! 

 

Let me reveal why 

Her currency is feelings, not facts. 

She may say something but feels something very different. So your next question is, how do you know what she wants then? 

If she says space, what does that mean? 

Doesn’t she want space? 

Well, precisely that. 

Go beyond the words. 

Switch your man brain to neutral and listen for the feelings. 

You access this information through your eyes and heart. 

What I mean is you take a breath and look into her eyes. 

You put your hand on your heart, turn your ears off and feel. 

Connect with your gut instinct – this is very difficult when you feel attacked. It takes courage and practice. Hence the breath! It takes you from your head to your heart. Helpless to her hero.

If you can go beyond your feelings and tap into hers, three things happen:

 

  1. You grow in your emotional intelligence 
  2. You get on her path and are much closer to solving her problem. 
  3. She can’t resist a man who can feel her and see beyond her words. You will become a hero to her. 

 

See, the truth is if she is screaming or silent or distant, these are all signs of a fight, freeze or flee. These are automatic human responses to what? 

You guessed it, FEAR. 

She is scared. 

We develop fears from our thoughts from the past, childhood and experiences. She has likely triggered a thought process that has caused her to be scared. She thinks of something outside of her. However, the truth is the fight is within herself. It’s her battle with her thoughts that she can reason through in a calm state. But in this fear state, she can’t. Let me give you an example: my childhood was domestic violence. My first childhood memories are of my mum’s blood on the walls. My dad’s raised voice to me meant danger. Then, I associated any man’s raised voice as danger. So when my husband raised his voice, I assumed danger and went into protection mode. 

 

The truth, the facts, is that my husband raised his voice when he was passionate, not when he would attack. So the story and meaning that created neurological wiring in my body were set from my father. It was hard-wired over and over again with years of my childhood. Of course, this is an extreme example, but for many women and men, the story can be as simple as your mother or father shouting at you one day for running into the road and trying to keep you safe. But at that moment, you decided that shouting is dangerous and hard-wired in your nervous system. 

 

When we are unaware of this wiring, it can control and trigger us in adulthood and let’s face it, with a 50% divorce rate, most of us don’t have great examples of what a great relationship looks like. 

 

Ok, so let’s get back to how to fix this problem of knowing what to do when she says one thing and feels another:

 

  1. Know she is scared- the battling within her, and she probably doesn’t know it. 
  2. Remember, she is not a man – different currency feelings, not facts. 
  3. Think – What is she feeling? And trust your gut.

 

This is how you go from hitman to her hero. Know that if you can be her rock and not think but feel into what your gut is guiding you to do, you will solve her problem and become her hero! 

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Menopause

Reading Time: 2 minutes
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Omg that hot flush I can feel it coming on shit the bed is burning me and now my hubby is just too close. I can’t breathe! This bloody sexy night! The fabric is awful. It is sticking to me. I wish I was young and sexy again.

Where is that button for the fan! Oh, there it is thank god! 

Omg, it’s freezing. Where is the duvet!

I wonder if he still fancies me with this huge roll of fat around my belly!

Where the hell did it come from?

Sound familiar?

This is/was me as I navigate Menopause. I can see why they call it the change!

Because it is a change. A huge one.

I spent months fighting it and everything about it. The cold sweats, the hot flushes every time I have a cuppa or coffee. The disbelief from my teenage daughters as I stuck my head out of the stable door in the middle of a UK winter. I could tell they were thinking why is she being a drama queen?

It can’t be that bad.

See I had been fine on hormone relief therapy until I decided it was time to go natural!

Here are some of the things I realised and learned as a menopausal woman and an expert in healing, nutrition, woo woo and relationships.

  1. When I stopped fighting the symptoms and accepted them and breathed through them feeling the discomfort, they seemed to be less and shorter-lived.
  2. The change made me really start to focus on myself and my health. It was almost like a pause to all the lifetime of taking care of everyone else. Like mother nature says it’s time to take care of you and so we will stop you in your tracks and force you to fill your cup up.
  3. Having to slow down and do things like eating healthier, drinking more water because otherwise, constipation would be so painful.
  4. Moving more and connecting with nature because it would release the weight and somehow it felt so good.
  5. Having gratitude for the gift of our incredible bodies, that have grown humans and now have been given the chance to connect with herself finally.
  6. The freedom of not giving a shit what people think compared to your 20 and 30s is exhilarating.
  7. Finally speaking your truth and not being afraid of hurting people’s feelings.
  8. It’s such a sexy time to take ownership of your feminine power and finally be you.
  9. Leading by example with my daughters and on social media – not hiding the fact that I have menopausal symptoms – giving them permission to be present with their bodies.
  10. Letting go of control. You can’t change it so you may as well go with the flow.
Love Is Not Logical

Love Is Not Logical

Reading Time: 3 minutes
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Love is not logical, yet we make rules to fit it in a square box. 

When he does this, you do this. When he doesn’t do that, you do this. 

A logical solution to an illogical problem. 

Think about it!

How many times have you done something in the name of love that made no sense? 

I remember my hubby when we were dating, and I lived in Edinburgh driving to me (5 hours) in the snow at 11 pm to see me on a Friday night and then leaving at 2 am on Monday to get to work. Why didn’t he just leave on Saturday morning and leave Sunday afternoon? Because love pulled him to an illogical solution. Sensibility goes out of the window. 

Why is it that Roses are the most expensive on Valentine’s day, yet people will still pay double for them?

Love is not logical. 

So why is it we are constantly asking for the formula to fix it? 

It is like using a hammer to screw a nail in the wall. 

Wrong tool for the problem. 

This is why women are often classed as illogical in relationships. And every man I know and have coached wants to see the formula to figure out women. 

Gentlemen, here it is. 

The formula you have been waiting for …

There isn’t one. Why – because just as I deliver one, it changes! Like the wind. 

It’s called life! 

We make so much noise that it has to be like this or like that, and this is a perfect romance, relationship or marriage. 

Well have you ever been out with a couple and thought I would never put up with that, or gosh, they communicate entirely differently to us. 

Does that make them wrong and you right? 

Them imperfect or your relationship terrible? 

No.

When we take time to realise, no one model of the world is perfect. It’s like trying to crack the da Vinci code. There are so many combinations. Humans are like that! 

How you behave in one relationship may be very different in another. 

But you are the same person! 

So how is that possible? 

As we evolve, we build different coding in our bodies and souls on how we love. What meanings and values we put on love. 

Who desires our love. (Cause truly nobody thoroughly gives unconditionally – let’s not BS into thinking that is true!). 

Ok, so if we are all coded and depending on who we are matched with will bring a different set of behaviour thoughts and beliefs depending on their coding and our response to that person. And then this is a moving train because we are evolving, and growth is impacting their coding. There are so many moving parts! 

So just when you think you have nailed it. Things change, and it feels like they are throwing a spanner in the works! 

We just got sorted and now what worked before does work anymore! 

Why is that? 

Because the code that unlocked the door to their heart just changed by one digit, and you have to start all over again! 

Phew!

This is why love can be so exhausting and exciting at once! 

From the moment we find the correct code and unlock the door to the heart! That split second when we nailed it! 

The perfect date. 

The perfect conversation. 

The perfect gift. 

The perfect lovemaking. 

Then bam! You do the same thing the next week, and it falls flat on your face! 

What happened? 

Well, friends, the code changed. 

This is called expansion. 

The logic behind love. 

You are very welcome!